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So many times in life there are goals and dreams that we want to achieve and we get disappointed when we don’t get them. Some examples of this could be achieving success in a certain field, finding that special someone, the list goes on.

When we fail at achieving our goals, the real reason is that we didn’t take time to analyze why we failed. If you’re a faithful Child of God, all you need to do is take time to think. Then you would realize that the word ‘no’ isn’t always a bad thing.

 No, doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. It means that at that point in time in your life, God is telling you to wait.  It is your responsibility to find out why God is making you wait before He gives you the desires of your heart. The wait could be because whatever you have your heart set on is not good for you during that point in time.

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I remember a long time ago when I made the decision to move to a new town, I needed to find an apartment. So, I decided to look for an apartment close to the downtown area of the town. I found this beautiful apartment building that met all of my criteria. The outside was beautiful, it was quiet, and inside the unit itself, it was newly decorated and had a great view overlooking a park.

 I made the decision to apply for the apartment. To make a long story short,  I did not get the apartment. I remember being so angry!  Why couldn’t I get my “dream apartment”?  Later on, I found out that not getting what I thought was my dream apartment was one of the best “no’s” God has ever said to me.

What happened was,  I ended up getting another nice apartment in a different area of town. That apartment was a little older and a little bit further away from the downtown area, but it was even better than the dream apartment. I didn’t have to pay for parking and a variety of other amenities that my “dream apartment” was asking me to pay for. 

Also, I later found out that what I thought was my dream apartment would have been a total nightmare. I will never forget the moment that I walked by what I thought was my “dream apartment” and  I found all of these people standing outside in front of the building next door talking, laughing, and smoking.  They seemed completely zoned out.  The reason why is because I had no idea that the building next door to what I thought was my dream apartment building was a rehab facility.

None of these people were outside on the day that I went to visit what I thought was my dream apartment. Not a single soul. I was so focused on getting my dream apartment that I failed to see the big picture.  I did not take time to think about checking out my surroundings.  If I had, I would have seen that the apartment building next door was a drug rehab facility.

By the way, if you saw the building next door, you would never in a million years assume or even thought that a drug rehab would be in this area. God said ‘no’ to me getting this apartment because He knew I would have been miserable. I would have been too worried about my safety. 

God sees things that we don’t see. Sometimes we’re so focused on the glitter that we don’t see all the darkness around the glitter. The darkness around the glitter are landmines that can destroy you. When God says no, instead of getting frustrated and angry, analyze the situation.

 Ask yourself, “Why did God say no to this?”  I know I am doing God’s will and, I know God wants the best for me, so why is He saying no to me right now?

If we truly analyze the “no” we’ll discover we’re the problem.  Let’s say we really want to get married. God may be saying ‘no’ because He knows you aren’t prepared for marriage. God knows there are areas in your life you need to further develop before He sends that special someone into your world. If we take time to develop our own life, we may learn that we don’t even want to get married or even have kids.

God knows many times the things we want are based on a checklist society created and are attempting to force us into accepting. Until we reprogram our mind to be controlled by the word of God, God will say no to whatever your desire is.  Mainly, because what we think is a desire, could be pressure from society.  We’re trying to fit into a stereotype like you must get married and have kids in order to be happy. This is a lie. In cases like this, God has to protect us from ourselves.

 God wants us to grow in the attributes of Christ so we can make wise decisions. When God says ‘no” He’s protecting us from ourselves. God is a parent. Many times, His no’s are not forever.  His no’s are telling us that He wants us to grow in grace before He releases our blessing.  This way when we obtain our blessings we have the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in how to handle and enjoy our blessings.

If you don’t have the attributes of Christ such as knowledge, wisdom, and understanding then your blessings turn into a nightmare. Look at most of the celebrities. They have the checklist lifestyle, married, kids, fortune, fame and yet many are miserable. This is because they failed to attain the attributes of Christ so they can enjoy what they have.

Believe it or not, you can still go out and get the desires you want without God’s help. Satan will give them to you. Just be aware that you won’t enjoy them.  Satan can give you the objects on your checklist but he can’t give you the attributes of Christ so you can enjoy the desires of your heart. Satan can only give you things. He can’t give you peace and happiness. That’s why some people buy mansions and never spend time in them. To Satan’s people, their house is just a house, it’s not a home. They just have it.

Throughout my Bible studies, I’ve learned that God says no when He knows that we don’t have the attributes of Christ to really enjoy what we want. For example, I wanted to get married at a young age. God said no.  Now that I am older I can see why He said no because it would have turned out to be a hot mess.

First of all, I was following society’s checklist of what happiness is.  In retrospect, if I had defied God and my mom’s advice, I would have been a miserable person. God saying ‘no’ was Him telling me that marriage is not for you right now.  Yes, God was right.  

Even now, I know that I don’t need to get married right now. I need more time to fill myself with Christ’s attributes.  This way when Mr. Right comes into my life, I can really enjoy our time.

Of course, I can get married without having the attributes of Christ but then I’ll end up having a marriage where we end up fighting like cats and dogs. Or, I end up doing what most people do, pretending that I’m happy for the sake of saving face.  This is definitely not what I want! 

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I’d rather be patient and get it the right way.  God has given me plenty of examples as to why He has said no to me at that point and time. Now, I don’t see God’s no’s as a bad thing.  I have learned to look within and ask myself the tough questions: 

  • Am I doing God’s will? 
  •  If not, why not? 
  • Is my want really my desire or just an item on society’s checklist?

My age has come with wisdom.  I have seen first hand that Psalm 37:4 and Matt 6:33 when the Bible says, delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart is true.  I notice when I put God first, I always receive my desire and then some. I am living proof that Matt 6:33 is no joke.  I encourage you to try it. 

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and I assure you that all the things you want will be given to you.

Again, God has no problem giving us the desires of our hearts.  However, certain conditions need to be met before we start to see those blessings flow into our lives. God has three ways that He can answer our request. Yes, no, or not yet. 

To know which answer God is giving you, you must take time to analyze your situation.  Again, ask yourself: 

  • Am I doing God’s will?
  • If not, why not? 
  • Is my desire worth the fight?

 Keep in mind, just because God said no at that point in time, doesn’t mean that we’re never going to achieve our goals and dreams. Many of us do not realize that some of the situations we encounter are really ‘not yet’ for that point and time and not necessarily a no, you can’t ever have this or that. We need to see God as a godly parent.  Many times, my mother had said no to me and yes, I hated her for it at that time.

Now that I am older, I can’t stop thanking her for how my life turned out.  My life is better than my wildest dreams. I look back and think how miserable I would have been if my mother had not told me no.  Again, no is not always a bad thing.  It can be a blessing in disguise. Again, we need to take time and analyze God’s no’s, or not yet answers to our desires.  You do this by being completely honest with yourself. Am I doing God’s will? If not, why not?

A lot of people say and think they are doing God’s will, but they aren’t.  One sure way to confirm this fact is through our actions.  

Does our way of life coincide with God’s Word? Your daily lifestyle will provide the evidence you need in order to answer Am I doing God’s will? 

Again, God said to put Him first, and then all these things will be added unto you. Have you REALLY satisfied that requirement? Only you can answer that question. If you lie to yourself, you’re just delaying the blessings that God has in store for you.

We are working with God. When God sees we’re serious about putting Him first, then He starts to work on our blessings.  While you’re developing the proper mindset, God is doing a lot of other stuff behind the scenes in order to help prepare our blessing for us.

I know I’ve brought this up before but I recently purchased a condo. I never dreamed that buying property was an option for me. The reason why is because I had a lot of negativity inside of me. God had to help me clear up my thought life first so I could truly enjoy the blessing He wanted to give me. The negativity, fear, and holding on to toxic people and thoughts hindered my blessing. 

Once I started being more conscientious about putting God first, I was presented with resources and opportunities  I never imagined possible. I can attest to putting God first does work.  If you’re not seeing results, then you need to analyze where you are in your journey. 

 Once again, ask yourself, Am I doing God’s will? If not, why not? if you realize that you haven’t been putting God first, what is holding you back from placing Him first in your life? Have you allowed yourself to become distracted with the cares of this world? Have you convinced yourself you’re too busy to read God’s word? Even worse, have you surrounded yourself with toxic people that are draining your soul? 

Just a quick PSA, toxic people can even be in your own family. You can’t always look at titles. That’s my brother, my sister, my spouse, the list goes on. Looking at titles is a trap. If their actions are not demonstrating that they embrace their title, then you need to cut them loose. Seriously, take time to analyze who you need to remove from your life. You could be allowing these people to hinder your blessings.

 They are hindering your growth by taking up your precious time and energy you could use to spend time with God.  Due to our misguided view of titles, we allow toxic family members to steal, kill and destroy our peace and happiness.

 I have learned as a child of God we need to be willing to stand alone. We need to be like Daniel. Make our decision based on God’s word and leave all the consequences to Him.  I think about all the people that threatened Daniel. Daniel kept his focus on God and God caused all of his circumstances to work together for Daniel’s good.  The same concept applies today. We must be willing to stand on God’s word no matter what happens.

 In today’s times, throwing people in the lion den is, “If you don’t do XYZ then I’m going to fire you.” Guess what? Daniel put God first and made it out of the Lion’s Den. Those same folks who were responsible for attempting to harm Daniel by unjustly placing him in the Lion’s Den fell into their own trap. 

Your Lion’s Den may be losing your job.  If you put God first, you can take comfort in knowing that there is something better out there. You may not even need a job. God may bless you with being so rich that you’re in the position to provide jobs.

When you asked yourself, Am I doing God’s will? Also, ask yourself is my desire worth the fight?  What many of us fail to realize is that in many cases, God puts our desire in our reach, not necessarily in our hands. This is to help us determine if our wants are really a desire or just an object on society’s checklist. God does not give us items on society’s checklist.  An item on a checklist is not true peace and happiness. 

Again, when you’re trying to determine the difference ask yourself, “ Is my desire worth the fight?”  There’s a really great show called Yellowstone starring Kevin Costner. He’s one of my favorite actors. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it’s on Amazon.  There’s this scene where Kostner is talking to his son, and they are standing on all this beautiful land that they own. And Kostner shared a conversation with his son about the time when someone asked him, “If you had all the money in the world what would you buy?”

Kostner said, “ This is it,” referring to his ranch. Now, from our perspective, in order to answer this question, you need to be honest with yourself. This honesty can only come from daily reading God’s Word. There are so many things that look good and routes that look like they lead to prosperity, but really they’re dead ends.  This is why I’ve gotten to the point when things become difficult and despite my best efforts if I still can’t achieve my desire, I know this is God’s way of saying no Tosha or not yet. 

Instead of getting frustrated and angry now, I give thanks. I know God has my best interest in mind.  He is protecting me from something that I can’t see.  I’ll say, “God, I’m not sure what’s going on but thank you for protecting me.” 

I know that ‘no’ is not a bad thing. If you put ‘no’ in its proper perspective, ‘no’ can be a blessing in disguise guiding you towards a path to unimaginable blessings.

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