I normally release episodes on Mondays. I’m not big on watching TV so to be completely honest, I didn’t realize that this was Valentine’s Day until I saw a commercial. Since this Monday just happens to be Valentine’s day, I thought I would add my two cents to this Hallmark holiday.
Here’s the thing, if you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day feel free to celebrate it. The part that really irritates me is how society has a tendency to feel “pity” for those who are single. You got it, this episode is for all of my single folks out there, especially for all my single ladies. Feel free to queue Beyonce’s song if you want to…LOL
Anyway, I am going to be 40 in July. Yes, you heard right 40. I’m single, have never been married and I don’t have any kids. Sadly, when most folks in society hear what I just said, they automatically put on their Sherlock Holmes hat. I guess in their eyes I’m a mystery they want to solve. After all, something’s got to be wrong with me, right? Therein lies the problem. Their faulty way of thinking.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. I’m single by choice. I have nothing against marriage. I would love to find Mr. Right and get married. However, even after marriage, I don’t have any desire to have kids. Now, the reason I am not focused on marriage is because I’m focused on growing in grace so I can live the extraordinary life Christ has in store for me.
To all you single ladies, instead of rushing into a relationship just so you can cross off marriage on society’s checklist, I encourage you to focus on developing your relationship with Christ. This is when Mr. Right will show up when you both have what it takes to live a happy, fulfilled life. In the meantime, I will not put my ability to live a happy life on hold until Prince Charming finds me (Prov 18:22). You heard that right. I’m not searching for Mr. Right, he’s got to come to find me because I’m too busy living my best life.
Marriage is not my main priority. As I stated before, our main priority should be to grow in grace so we can live the extraordinary life Christ came to give us. By the way, Jesus was single. So it’s no coincidence why Apostle Paul encouraged us to stay single as well (1 Cor 7: 8-9). With that said, don’t get it twisted, Apostle Paul is not stating marriage is a sin.
What he’s saying is that single it’s best to stay single. This is why people like Miriam, a career woman, Christ, John the Baptist, Apostle Paul, and other saints didn’t get married. Many of us have allowed society to twist the truth regarding singlehood whereby we are embarrassed to be single.
Marriage should not be a priority in our life. If it happens, it happens, if not, it’s not a big deal. Ladies, don’t be like Eve. Eve focused on the one piece of fruit God told her not to eat when she could have enjoyed eating everything else in the garden. Ladies, you only get one life. I don’t know about you, but I intend on making the most of my life with or without Mr. Right.
I always keep in mind a conversation my mom had with me years ago. I love the analogy she used to describe how I should view marriage. She said, “ View your desire for a husband like you would a beautiful dress. You can add accessories to the dress, or you can leave it “as is.” A beautiful dress doesn’t need anything to make it complete. It’s an independent item that looks good all by itself!”
In other words, the dress is perfect and looks good no matter how you wear it. The dress is just as beautiful by itself as it is with accessories. The same principle applies to a woman and her desire for a husband. The man that she desires is an accessory in her life. She can be happy with or without him. True happiness can only be obtained through a relationship with Christ and then everything else will fall into place (John 14:27; Phil 4:7; Gal 5:22-23).
I want all you single ladies NOT to wallow away in self-pity or feel self-conscious about being single regardless of what age you are. A specific time to cross off the marriage box on society’s checklist doesn’t exist. In fact, you should not focus on society’s checklist, make your own. You will be much happier if you did.
I spent a good chunk of my 20’s feeling insecure. I allowed society’s checklist to make me feel insecure. Even though I have an incredibly strong mom who raised me to be independent, I always thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t married or had children. I am so happy that my mom sat me down and gave me the beautiful dress talk. Sadly, it wasn’t until my 30’s that her advice finally made sense. I’m so happy my mom was always speaking life into my life. She is always encouraging me to enjoy being single and childfree.
My mom always reiterated how she wished someone had spoken these words of wisdom to her. She would not have spent unnecessary time accepting society’s standard of what success and happiness looked like. Don’t get me wrong — my mom is not against marriage. What she is against is the distorted mindset that life is all about getting married and having kids. As she stated, there is more to life than this. God has given us so many other gifts and talents to enjoy.
Like my mom, I know that most people do not have a cheerleader in their corner. Someone who can speak words of wisdom to them. I’m going to be that cheerleader for you. Wallowing in self-pity is not an option for me and I hope it’s not for you either. Now it’s up to you if you accept these words of wisdom.
Here’s the thing…I’d rather be single and happy than married and miserable. I refuse to rush into marriage just so I can be a part of society’s checklist. Being married does not validate our existence. Stop allowing “. . “I’ll be happy once I’m married,” to run rampant in your mind. This type of negative thinking only sends you on a quest to find Mr. Right in all the wrong places…
I recently watched a documentary called the Tinder Swindler and I just couldn’t stop shaking my head. These women allowed themselves to fall head over heels in love with a con man. The fact that this was a true story was so disturbing. However, this is a perfect example of what can happen when you DO NOT keep your emotions in check.
If you think that someone else can make you happy or complete you, you’re setting yourself up to fail. It wasn’t until I decided to stop living in anticipation and worked on my relationship with Christ that I was complete. Now, I have a very happy and fulfilled life. I’ve got a great 9 to 5, I’ve got a couple of awesome side hustles like providing marketing consultations to small business owners, teaching English to adults online, teaching dance fitness classes, doing voiceover work, my t-shirt shops, studying Spanish, this podcast, and the list goes on and on.
So as you can see, I’m not lonely and I’m definitely not bored. My mom and I are working on a major project that’s going to help a lot of people. I’m living my life like it’s golden. I’m certain that my life would be very different had I viewed being single as a curse instead of being a blessing.
Again, being single is like wearing a beautiful dress. To all my single ladies, rock your dress in style until God sees fit to give you a necklace to wear with it.